WANTED: Lead Singer to co-front four piece band Califa's Lip Rouge. Influences: Tygers of Wrath, Les Fauvres, Crash Worship, Halycon Turnip, Weatherhead, and Lotta Love. Must be able to hit G10. Must be stylish, tall, and pliant. Must be willing to carry heavy equipment. Must have experience with glamours, retroactive enchantments, and excitory catalysts. Apply in person to The Zu-Zu, Abenfarax House, Califa. Pay to play, please bring proof of funds or other fungible goods. Applications accepted between the hours of 8 pm and 9 pm only. (Boys only.)
Advertisement placed in ALTA CALIFA, CALIFA POLICE GAZETTE, WARLORD'S WEAR DAILY, and PUDING MAGAZINE.
Viewing Blog: The Califa Police Gazette, Most Recent at Top
Results 1 - 25 of 398

Fabulist and scribbler. Author of "Flora Segunda, Being the Magickal Mishaps of a Girl of Spirit, Her Glass-Gazing Sidekick, Two Ominious Butlers (One Blue), A House with Eleven Thousand Rooms, and a Red Dog" and various monographs of the history of the Republic of Califa. Editor-in-Chief, Bilskinir Press. Imbiber of Much Coffee. Mincing Malicho of Malice. Adoring Slave to Good Boy Bothwell, the Cutest Dog in the Universe.
Statistics for The Califa Police Gazette
Number of Readers that added this blog to their MyJacketFlap: 2
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Great Review from Booklist!
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Mariposa: Strange news from the past. I think you know what I mean. It’s best to keep moving and leave no forwarding address.
Zarigüeya: Console your Loss with Vice and pour Vinegar on an Open Wound! Well, what else do you need to know? Go do it now, before it’s just too fiking late.
Martillo: Houses can't always be trusted. You should consider moving to a hotel. Hot running water is laid in and they will bring hot buttered toast to your room.You really need some peace and quiet and a nice steamy bath.
Culebra: The snail watches with stalks. Do you like gardening? The dirt is very dirty and now is the time to invest in some soap.Snails sautéed in butter go most delightfully with peas. Find an Azote and combine forces. Two are far far safer than one.
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Azote: Please call upon your mamma. She is wondering whether you would prefer chicken galantine or peas for dinner. I would recommend the peas. This year's crop is very tasty and sure to give you great satisfaction. Plus, your mother will be pleased to know you are eating your veggies.
Jaguar: Time is running out, but if your shoes are red, you can probably catch up. Or better yet, take the trolley. There's one due at 14:40 and it will take you all the way, if you have exact change. Just be careful who you sit by. There are some strange people out there.
Aparajo: They who grab the moment before it's ripe, tears of repentance will surely wipe. If you don't have a good supply of napkins in the house, now's the time to stock up.Also, cough drops and a bottle of Madam Twanky's Sel-ray Salt Joy Juice. It will fix you right up.
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Horoscope for Sol, 25th Año Abenfaraxby Archangel Bob
Loliga: This will be a month of great upheaval. The sun is in calico in the fourth house and thus in direct opposition to everything. Do not attempt any major workings at this time or pulverized concrete is sure to ensue. Blow out your candle and curse the light.
Oso: Fishing is always fun on a sunny day and you never know what you might catch. Have you ever considering a monastic rite? This year would be a perfect time to build a hut of seaweed and count the waves. Watch where you sling those hooks, they are very pointy and they stick.
Alacran Do I feel a hot breeze? No, that's just the back draft from your funeral pyre. It is not enough for you not to smoke in bed, you must ensure that your lover does not smoke in bed either. Fire is hot no matter who starts it. Hold still, quit crying, and I shall get the butter.
Coyote: If your hair is red, dye it green, if it is green, dye it purple and if it is purple then there is nothing I can do to help you. I suggest the Monday steamer to Angeles. It is less foggy there and you will enjoy the enchiladas. Don't forget to pack a shady hat.
Still more to come...
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
The Sun Signs In Brief:
Loliga: Squirmy and slick, tentacles surround.
Oso: Sleepy and stout, but fast as fury when aroused.
Coyote: Clever and cunning, brimming with fun.
Azote: Snappy and sharp, cracking with heat.
Jaguar: Long and lean, softly from behind, stealthily and still.
Aparajo: Solid and bearable, lift that load.
Mariposa: Glittering and giddy, bright colours flashing.
Zarigüeya: Patient and pragmatic, sitting very still.
Martillo: Lofty and looming, but always with a point.
Alacran: Stingy and red, quick to bite.
Culebra: Force and fire, all that lives delights.
From The Bilskinir Gazette
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Ayah, it is true that at last, Califa will see the happy return of the Infanta Sylvanna Axacaya ov Abenfarax, the Warlord’s heir, to the Republic she will one day govern. Long has this day been looked for, and no one will celebrate the moment she sets foot upon Califa soil more than this newspaper. The return of the only daughter of the Warlord and the late blessed Warlady should and will be an event of much celebration.
But your editor would be remiss in his patriotic duty if he did not consider the implications of the Infanta’s return. She has been a guest of the Vicereina of Huitzil for almost fifteen years. In that time she has grown from a child to a woman, a woman whose knowledge of Califa is second-hand, at best. At worst, it has been influenced by our overlords’ attitudes, which have not always been kind towards Califa. As we welcome her grace, we must keep this in mind.
Is the Infanta’s return a sign of the lessening of the tensions between our two countries? Or does the Infanta return because the Vicereina is certain the Infanta’s will reflect Huitzil desires and policies? Is the noose being loosened or tightened? Only time will tell.
From an editorial in The Alta Califa
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
If I were going to be psychically close to a historical figure I would not have picked Thomas Cromwell!
Fascinating interview with Hilary Martel about writing historical fiction, being a woman, and being a woman writer.
(As she once put it, 'When you write you are not either sex. But when you’re read you are definitely gendered.’)
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
It's old Arivaipa again, again
It's old Ariviapa again
They don't do the Califa dip
But they'll shoot you from the hip
Back in Old Arivaipa again, again
It's old Arivaipa again, again
It's old Arivaipa again
Full of outlaws and bad bad men
You've been there before
And you are coming back once more
Back to old Arivaipa again, again
Traditional Army of Califa Song
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Happy Bookday to FLORA'S FURY. It's been a long strange journey, these three books. Hard to believe that FLORA SEGUNDA came out so many years ago. Too much has happened in between. I feel a bit sad to have the series done, but I have no doubt that Flora and Flynn's adventures will continue, with or without me. (Hopefully with!)
Thanks to all who have waited so patiently and kept Flora in their thoughts all this time!
Yr obt. svt.,
YSW
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
I must now say a few words about my beautiful lovely wonderful website yswilce.com
It was created several years ago, and perfectly reflected, I thought, my writing, world building, and aesthetics. I was very pleased and proud of it and everyone who visited it thought it was just swell.
But alas time marched on and the website remained the same, and other things happened (more books, ipads, death of flash etc.), and I let it slide, ignoring it, while it waited like a neglected child for me to return. And when I did return finally, and began to take steps to update it, I discovered that, much like Dorian Grey, while the exterior was shiny and glamorous, the inside was rotten. (Inexact metaphor but you know what I mean.) The underlying code was so bad that the website could not be updated.
Now Porkopolis was not built in a day, Nini Mo didn't become a legend over night, and rebuilding the site is going to take time.
But never fear. You shall not be completely without me. In the interim, to be up-to-date, we have added a new portal page with information regarding FLORA'S FURY and links to my various social media personalities. We'll be juicing up the portal even more in coming days, with all sorts of delicious extras. I will continue to flog my stuff on The Califa Police Gazette, Twitter, and Facebook frequently.
When the glorious day of the relaunch comes, everyone will be informed.
Your indulgence is appreciated.
Your obt. svt.,
Y.S. Wilce
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
The Time Elapsed for Digestion
Homemade Sponge Cake: 2 hours
Salt Pork: 4 hours, 15 minutes
Pinole Flour: 5 hours, 12 min & 8 seconds
Mule: 4 hours, 15 minutes, poor Evil Murdoch
Best Shoe Leather: 3 hours, mighty tough
Grass: 2 minutes &; keep a rag handy
Your Best Friend: 6 hours, 1 minute
From Nini Mo's Tips for Rangers
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Hardhands did not like children. This dislike was nothing personal; he didn't like chicken either, or rainy days, or socks that were too tight. In fact, if asked to rank dislikes he would have put these last three higher up on this list, easily. But then that was partially because chicken, rainy days and socks that were too tight intruded more often into his life. Children did not. Still, his little experience with children, confined mostly to Tiny Doom—his two year old neice—had left him quite firm on the matter.
Hardhands did like dogs. He also liked sleeping late, double mochas, and scrambled eggs, particularly the way that Paimon made them, creamy and cheesy, and particular on a late morning after a later night, after a particularly good show. Last night's show had more than particularly good, it had been fantastic, brilliant, fabulous, superlative. The drums had rolled like thunder through the crowded club, crushing all before them, and his voice had balanced perfectly on the knife's edge of the guitar, cutting and quick. The invocation had been so superlatively heavy that the band had managed to manifest the daemon Forneaus, who had produced the most killer bass solo ever heard at the Poodle Dog.The show was so fabulous that half the audience had staggered out into the early morning street with blood streaming from their ears, agog in bliss.
Definitely one for the ages.
He helped himself to more eggs out of the silver chafing dish. He was humming the bass line to Bury Me in Immortal Oblivion. If he had been asked what could ruin his perfectly good mood, he would have said, in between egg and coffee, absofikinglutely nothing.
That was before Tiny Doom joined him at the table, demanding bear-shaped waffles and strawberries.
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
"You can see more standing on a ladder than crouching in a ditch."
Edited by Boy Hansgen
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Your humble servant is doing a reading on Saturday, May 19th with Marie Brennan and Erin Hoffman as part of the SF in SF series. Details at http://www.sfinsf.org/.
Surely you have nothing better to do on a Saturday night than listen to three wonderful writers reading their wonderful fiction, yes?
Plus, I will bring chocolate.
And maybe even see if I can borrow one of Udo's hat's for the occasion. Who knows, maybe he'll be a giving vein that day.
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
The Army of Califa officer corps is divided into two branches: staff and line.
Staff officers, also known as "yaller dogs", are detached from their regiments to perform administrative duties, and are assisted by staff clerks chosen from the enlisted ranks. They are not very popular with the Line officers, who believe they are trying to shirk actual danger.
Most loathed of all the yaller dogs is the aide de camp, or ADC. ADCs are assigned directly to high ranking officers and are really just glorified servants. To the rest of the Army, they are nothing more than lapdogs.
From THE ARMY OF CALIFA CIRCULAR:
Special Order No. 17, Office of the Commanding General, Army of the Califa: Cadet F.N. Fyrdraaca ov Fyrdraaca is hereby detached from her current duty at Benica Barracks and hereby ordered to report immediately to the Commanding General's office, Building 56, The Presidio, thereby to take up duty as Aide de Camp to General J.B. Fyrdraaca ov Fyrdraaca.
Signed: Agilis Sabre, Adjutant General, Army of Califa
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
The Pacifica Mail & Express Company is now seeking to offer employment to stout-hearted young men and women who are not troubled by danger, hardship or tight-deadlines. The largest delivery company in the Waking World, the PM&E is known for allowing no impediment to stand in the way of a speedy and careful delivery of the mail with which it is entrusted. Agents for the PM&E must be clever, adaptable, determined, and without close family ties. Competitive salaries paid to those who make the grade, along with bonuses, bounties, shares and guaranteed burial expenses. Candidates should apply to Sieur Kiernan Wraathmyr, Chief Agent, the Pacifica Mail & Express Company Main Office, Pier 12, the Embarcadero.
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
I have heard that FLORA'S DARE and FLORA SEGUNDA is going to be published in an omnibus edition by Science Fiction Book Club. I am a huge fan of omnibus editions. When you are reading a series, and really enjoy book 1 it is oh so nice to have book 2 between the same boards, ready and waiting to keep you going. I am always looking for omnibuses (omnibii?) but they are, for rather obvious reasons, confined to book clubs usually, and I'm not currently a member of any book club. I know from a collectible stand-point book club editions are valueless, but I've always liked them. They often have cool cover art, and many times are the only way to get books otherwise published as mass markets in hard back form. I have many Tanith Lee books from the 80s and early 90s in book club editions, and I treasure my book club edition of Gene Wolfe's SHADOW OF THE TORTURER and the other volumes in that series. And great cover art, too. I have seen a prelim of the cover art for FLORA FYRDRAACA (as the omni will be called) and it's pretty nifty. When I get the okay, I will post.
The only sad thing is that FLORA'S FURY will then be a little stand-alone, or no edition at all. Unless, she says, laughing diabolically, there is a fourth book...hmm...there's an idea...
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
Woo! Last night, FLORA'S DARE won the Andre Norton Award...
Thrilled, excited, stunned, amazed, wah-wah, all of those things. Sad that I wasn't there to woo in person, but the Amazing Dave Schwartz did the honours for me, and even sent me a text pic of the thing itself. It was hard to see details on the small screen, but still it looked grand!
But I am sad that Dave's SUPERPOWERS did not win the Nebula for Best Novel. It's a great novel, and he's a great writer, and I am very very sure that this Nebula nomination will be the first of many nominations for many different awards.
I was in bed when the news came through; the Captain has been restless at night recently and as soon as he hits the rack I do too, as I know I might be up again soon enough. Of course, I am delighted to win, but I'd also like to exert my new found award winning power (yah right!) to remind everyone of the other Norton nominees, worthy books all.Viz.,
- GRACELING by Kristen Cashore.
- LAMPLIGHTER, by D.M. Cornish.
- SAVVY by Ingrid Law.
- THE ADORATION OF JENNA FOX by Mary Pearson.
I am also super happy that John Kessel's "Pride and Prometheus" won the Nebula for Best Novelette. I read this story in draft form the year I went to Sycamore Hill; to describe it as a mash up of FRANKENSTEIN and PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (what if Victor Frankensteins had been a pal of Mr. Darcy?) is accurate, but the story is oh so much more. It is worth seeking out.
It's unspeakably gratifying to be honoured by one's peers in this fashion, of course, and hopefully the unspeakable gratification will give my current writing a bit of a boost. I'm still hacking away at FLORA'S FURY. I had to ditch the first 35K words that I spent three months working on and start over again--off to the wrong start--and now feel back into the scheme of things, but juggling a baby and a book ain't no joke, as I have discovered.
But that's tomorrow. Today is woot!
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: peer pressure, twitter, Add a tag
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Books, Add a tag
Article yesterday in the NYT about the Kindle...while there may be some legitimate debates about how Kindle will change publishing--and some of those changes maybe not so much the better for authors--the NYT hand-wringing seemed to be mostly over the fact that books on Kindle can't be used as status signifiers (tho' the Kindle itself, of course, it somewhat a status signifier since it ain't cheap)...after all, how will people know you are so cool and read Melville or Sartre if there's no book cover to inform them of such? It's true that as far as being used as a wing-book, the Kindle is useless...but...full disclosure:
Devilman got me a Kindle and it's pretty cool. Actually, Devilman got US a Kindle, and although I was skeptical at first, he's now not been able to pry it out of my hot little hands. I'm pretty smitten. Now, I wouldn't want to read every book on the Kindle, and I wouldn't buy a book on the Kindle that I had any expectation of wanting to add to my library, but for a swift read it's pretty sweet how you can download a book in seconds from wherever you are and begin reading instantly. This has caused me to buy books that I might not have otherwise, based on the instant gratification principle. If I had to write the title down and go to the bookstore I might have lost interest in the book before I even got out the front door.
I particularly like reading the newspapers on the Kindle. We used to take the NYT, the Financial Times and the Wall Street Journal, but we only ever read the FT weekend edition, and the newsprint did add up. It seemed as though I was always carrying scads of paper to the recycling, or stumbling over pilesin the living room. Now, we are paper free, and don't have to deal with spreading out huge pages on the breakfast table or the living room. Plus, I tend to do most of my reading now whilst satisfying the voracious appetite of the Captain and his grabby hands make books and newspapers problematic. But I can easily hold the Kindle out of his reach and turn the page with one hand, and that works great. You don't get the easy browsing function you do with the physical paper, and the Kindle editions don't have the entire content of the paper edition but it's good enough for casual reading.
A couple of drawbacks: firstly, the Kindle ain't cheap, as mentioned before. I'm sure the price will come down and by the time Captain Jenks is old enough to read Gogol he'll probably wonder why anyone would read books printed on paper, oh those silly old folks. By then, maybe they'll be giving Kindles out in cereal boxes. (I am ancient enough to remember when digital watches cost over $100 bucks and were giant clunky things; you could order them out of the Sears catalog--if you were rich!). But right now it's an investment.
Another drawback: you lose the lovely physical quality of a book. No graphics, and if the book had pictures in it, usually they are ommited from the Kindle edition. I just finished GO DOWN TOGETHER, a bio of Bonnie and Clyde (what absolute pathetic losers--so sad), and I would have liked pictures to go with my text. Luckily, google pics provided illustrations but that's not the same as flipping to the middle of the book. Plus, no cover art, or interesting fonts, etc. Just stripped down utilitarian text. For those of us who like books as objects, that's a drag. But as I said, if I really want to keep a book, then I'll buy it for real.
Last drawback--which could be a MAJOR one for those of us with no self-control. To buy books you set up an automatic account. This means when you click buy on the Kindle, the credit card information is already in the system--which makes book buying SEEM easy and almost FREE. If you aren't careful, you can rack up some serious charges quickly just by hitting BUY BUY BUY. This may be great for the publishers and impulse buying but can get you into fiscal hot water rather quickly. Like with donuts, one must learn to exercise restraint.
However, over-all I am pretty happy to be Kindling...
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
The blog isn't dead, but my twittering has taken over.
@crackpothall
I'm pleased to announce that FLORA'S FURY is on track for a fall 2011 publication date. The final draft is done and the tweaking phase has begun. I promise you that Flora has managed to really get herself into a jam this time; lucky for her that she has some help getting out of it. New friends, old friends, and an adversary that makes a giant loliga seem like a lollypop.
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
I am trying to decide if it's worth getting up at 4 am to see the Blood Red Moon.
The answer is probably yes.
Blog: The Califa Police Gazette (Login to Add to MyJacketFlap)
JacketFlap tags: Add a tag
I've started a Facebook page for "FLORA'S FURY" where I'll be posting interesting tidbits and cyber-ephemera relating to such.
View Next 25 Posts


So ... anyone have any idea why I got an e-mail from BN that the release date has been changed? This ... doesn't actually seem to be the case. *not pleased* They tell me that they will notify me in 30 days if they cannot obtain the book.
I have no idea, actually, as the book is out and shipping. I will do a little investigating and see if I can come with an answer. Thank you for letting me know!