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Don’t forget you can use children’s magazines as a way to make some money, get you name out there, and have your writing noticed. 

Laurie Wallmark, who is the ARA for the New Jersey SCBWI has done just that with her many magazine articles in children’s magazines. Her lastest an article, Lost in a Corn Maze, in this month’s issue of Spider Magazine for children.

Don’t forget to send photos.  Laurie says she got more for the photos than she did for the article.

Congratulations, Laurie!

You may remember Ellen Jensen Abbott from the conference in June. She taught a class on Characterization. At the bookfair, I purchased Ellen Jensen Abbott’s fantasy novel titled, WATERSMEET.

When I e-mailed Ellen to tell her how much I enjoyed the book and how I thought it was very well-written, she got back to me to tell me that the second book titled, THE CENTAUR’S DAUGHTER, (the second book to the trilogy) just hit the bookshelves.

I know everyone wishes Ellen much success with her new book.

Then today, I received an e-mail from Kitty Griffin Lagorio. She came to the June conference and it really paid off, because she ended up getting Natalie Fischer from the Bradford Agency to represent her.

Congratulations, Kitty.

Yvonne Ventresca won the Writers’ Retreat Prompt Contest at this weekends Writer’s Retreat.  Her prize, a free year’s membership to the SCBWI.  Everyone else who participated received a signed book.

Here is Yvonne’s first page winning entry:

I had never thought about good-bye sounding like a river, the rush, rush of the water as it flowed away. And I’d never realized my sister could keep a secret even from me, the one she trusted most.

But I see these things now, as clearly as the clues she left behind. Would it have changed anything if I’d paid closer attention? Like the day of storm, while we were hurrying to finish our chores in the chicken coop.

“I won’t marry that man. They can’t make me.” Sis picked up another egg and nearly threw it in her basket.  “Are you listening? James?”

I nodded as I swept, but my mind was on our cow. Abigail had been pacing around the pasture. I worried about her out there, having a calf alone in bad weather. Maybe I could lead her to the barn before the thunder started.

“Pa doesn’t remember love,” Sis said. “All he thinks about is corn. What should I do?”

Her pause meant she expected an answer. “Um, Tom doesn’t seem that bad.”

She stomped her boot, and the chickens fluttered to the corners of the hen house. “Tom Kelly’s too old and ornery. I could never love him.”

I laid the broom down gently and tried to soothe the frightened birds.

“I don’t feel anything for him.  Not like—”

“Daniel,” I said. We often finished each other’s sentences. Ma used to call it a twin thing.

“Yes, like Daniel.” She wiped at her eyes, smearing dirt on her nose. “To spend the rest of my days keeping Tom’s
house and raising his babies! Ugh.”

Sis’s face got re

I want to thank Sprouts Magazine executive editor, Anita Nolan, for taking her valuable time to critique four of the writing prompts sent in. I think everyone can gain a lot of knowledge by reading the critiques presented and I hope more of you will give it a try.

Anita will be doing critiques at our 2012 Conference being held in June.

Here is the first one submitted:

I never thought about Maya, my shy best friend, who wouldn’t even kill a fruit fly, hurting anyone.  I especially didn’t think she would ever hurt me.  At just 5 feet, 2 inches and 113 pounds, Maya was smaller in height, weight and attitude.  At any other time and in any other place I might not have been afraid, but fighting on a beach when the forecast calls for storms can psych out even the most fearless person.

“Please don’t make me hurt you Em,” she pleaded.

Her bony fingers tightened around a fistful of my hair.  I fought to free myself.  The winds, echoing my feelings, howled as if in pain.  Wet sand pelted my face.  My eyes stung from a mixture of the salty sea water and a steady flow of tears.  I looked around for a seashell or branch.  Not that I knew what I would do if I found either one.  This had to be a bad dream.  In a few minutes I’d wake up in bed.  The scary image of my angry best friend and an even angrier ocean, a foggy memory.

A large wave knocked us both to the ground.  I made it back to my feet and took off toward the boardwalk.  Maya was right on my tail.  I pumped my legs willing them to go faster, my bare feet sinking deep into the sand.  At some point I had lost both of my shoes.  I made the mistake of looking back and screamed as she sacked me from behind.

“Give me the Terces stone now!” she yelled.

The ocean seemed to roar in response behind her.  I rolled over and clawed at Maya’s face.  My nails sank into her eyes.  I stood up and turned to run but froze when I noticed a monster wave heading right for us.

“Maya, get up, we have to go now!”

I tried to help her up from the sand.

“Don’t you understand Em?  I need that stone or I’m as good as dead.  I’m too deep into this thing to get out.”

Here is Anita:

Let me say, first, that this didn’t come through with proper formatting to me, so I’m not quite sure how the paragraphs were broken out.

Putting that aside, were you involved in the story by the end of the first page? I was. The action draws the reader in. However, the first paragraph, describing the friend, slows down the story. The description of Maya being smaller could easily have been dribbled in throughout the first page so we could get straight to the action.

I did think the first sentence was somewhat awkwardly worded, as I did with some of the others, which is a function of having to use the prompt.

I get the feeling that this story is of the type that starts with an exciting moment and then goes back in time. With the technique the story starts at a high point to draw the reader in and then goes back and gives us the information that gives the story meaning.

Another book that uses this technique is A Northern Light by Jennifer Donnelly, if you’d like to see how it can be used effectively.

The down side with starting a story this way is that we don’t know the characters or feel anything for them before we are tossed into the action. I understand this is in response to a prompt, and the author may never t

I know all of you are busy working on the first page prompt from last week to send in for Anita Nolan to critique.  Anita will critique up to four submissions and critique them.   But since next week we are also having a First Page Session in Princeton and another in November.  I thought I would share some tips to use when writing a first page to be read at a First Page Session or with a writing prompt. 

I know you are saying anyone can write a first page, but a first page for a FP Session is longer than what is submitted with a novel.  Standard formatting has writers start their first page over half way down the page, but with a first page prompt or session, you start your story at the top of the page with a title and the genre.  This gives you more time to write and hook the reader.  If you don’t, the editor, agent or judge has more time to decide not to turn the page. 

Okay, so what is the trick to writing a good first page.  Here are some tips:

1.   Start with a hook.

2.   Spend extra time on the first sentence or two.  Richard Peck says you are only as good as your first line.

3.   Convey the theme that will be woven throughout the book.

4.   Set the tone of the book.  Humorous, fantasy, etc.

5.   Introduce your protagonist.

6.   Make sure the tone and text reflects the age level of the protagonist.

7.   Make sure the reader has an idea of where your novel is heading.

8.   Most editors will say they would like to know the name of the protagonist on the first page. 

9.   Avoid including back story on the first page.

10.  Try to end the first page with something that will have the reader wanting to flip the page.

11.  If you have written your page and it goes over the 23 lines to get to that place where the reader is dying to flip the page, ask yourself the following questions for these places to cut: 

                A.  Are there extra words I can eliminate? 

                B.  Have I spent too much time setting the scene. 

                C.  Is there any place where someone could say I dumped too much
information? 

                D.  Do I have any back story I could nix?  Avoid Back story on the
first page.

                E.  Did you introduce too many characters?  Are they all neccessary?

Here is the prompt:

_____ had never given much thought to….

or

_____ never thought about…

You can use either one, but weather should factor into your first page somehow.

Deadline: September 23rd.

September 30th: Results Posted

Make sure you put “September First Page Blog Submission” in the subject area. Email them to: kathy(dot)temean(at)gmail(dot)com.

Please use standard format: One inch margins, double space, 12 pt Times New Roman Font, 23 lines of text.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

Every year we have a writing contest for the writers attending the Writers’ Retreat. The attendees vote and rank the entries and the top five are given to the editors and they pick a winner, rank the other four, and prizes are given out.

Each year, I share the writing prompt with all of you, so you can give it a try. There are no prizes involved as there are with the retreat, but this year the top 4 writers who send something into me will receive a critique of their first page by Author/editor Anita Nolan. Retreat attendees can also participate and submit what they wrote for the retreat contest.

Make sure you put “September First Page Blog Submission” in the subject area. Email them to: kathy(dot)temean(at)gmail(dot)com.

Here is the prompt:

_____ had never given much thought to….

or

_____ never thought about…

You can use either one, but weather should factor into your first page somehow.

Deadline: September 23rd.

September 30th: Results Posted

Retreat attendees were given other prompts to choose from. We will use these later as prompts.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

Here is Susan’s thoughts on three of the First Page Prompts sent in for review.  You will find her comments in red.

Before we start, please understand that we’re mixing apples and oranges—which is okay, as long as we’re willing to have fruit salad.

What comes out of a writing prompt isn’t a true first page. For sharing writing prompts, I imagine a warm fuzzy environment with everyone drinking hot cocoa and fellow writers nodding in encouragement as we each read out loud what we’ve just written. The purpose, the best value, of a writing prompt is in simply doing it. Writing prompts are like practicing musical scales. They help you keep your creative fingers limber so it’s easier to write on command when you’re working on a specific piece. Just by responding to a prompt, you’ve done it right, even if a recipe pops out. There shouldn’t be criticism of it, whereas first pages often get a good deal of that. And while any of these, or the result of any prompt at all, can end up being a “real” first page, that’s not their purpose here.

But, having said all that and finding no cocoa in the house, I’ll react to these as if they’re “real” first pages.

Comments are scattered throughout each piece, then a general reaction afterward.

* * *

           Teresina paused.  I can’t say why, but I love this first sentence.  With each step, the forest had grown darker, colder, and yet even more beautiful. A harsh beauty, though, like that of a falcon’s cry as it pierces the sky. Great description. Here in the forest, all was still, nearly silent. Even Teresina’s footsteps made no noise as she glided over the smooth icy ground.

            The reflection of Her flaming hair, her skin – warm as the fuzz of a peach in the summer sun, just picked from the tree – glowed in the ice beneath her feet and the meager gleam of light from above. The hot and cold mix is confusing because I’m not sure which are visual references and which are references to actual temperature. She would have shivered, were she fully human. Oh yeah.

           Instead, Delete the cool grey light illuminated her way, reminding her of the silvery skies before snow arrives. But no snow had come this year, nothing more than a crisp chill at night, and Teresina’s mother grew weary, exhausted with her efforts.  This is confusing. I’d just delete it. Fall was supposed to be a short season, and Mama was made for sprinting, not the slow trudge this year’s fall had become.  good description

Where was Bruma? The earth needed rest. Mama needed rest. Teresina stood, gazing down the avenue of trees. Bruma
might be late, but always, always, she appeared, glittering and chill needs different word, adjective, not noun to take the
world from Mama’s hands in her turn and give the earth its solemn, shrouded winter. Very very nice. Just as night fell and day retreated, so the seasons each took their turn, keeping the world in its course.

Teresina clutched the opaline bag in her hand a little tighter. Maybe the bribe would convince Bruma to wake and do her duty?

Maybe Bruma wouldn’t think of it as a bribe. Ma

Illustration by John O’Brien from his picture book THE TWELVE DAYS OF CHRISTMAS

Upon seeing the picture that Kathy sent me for Free Fall Friday, I burst into laughter because I identify with the man pushing on the cow. In preparing for the arrival of Hurricane Irene—minus my husband, who is in California for business reasons—I feel like I am trying to lift a cow into a tree without much success. Normally, my husband is diligent about clearing our yard and porch of anything that might blow away in high winds. Without him here, I bear all my weight against our heavy outdoor furniture and shove it against the edge of the garage, praying for Irene to lose her strength before she arrives in Connecticut.

When you are not clearing your yard, running out to stock up on groceries, or making sure your flashlights have new batteries, take a moment to study this picture. Enjoy writing to the prompt.

I look at the picture and wonder how many cows are waiting to be lifted into the tree. How does the cow feel about this? Are the cows and the birds connected in some way? Ultimately, what are the woman and man trying to achieve by doing this? Is a child watching the couple? Would the child have a better idea how to get the cow in the tree, and if so, what might that be?

Stay safe in the storm, and if you lose electricity, pretend you live in the old days and enjoy writing by candlelight. You may find it inspiring!

Thanks Betsy! It looks like all of us on the east coast may really have to write in the dark this weekend when Irene comes knocking. I hate losing my electric and have my fingers crossed that it fizzles out, but the outlook looks dim.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

2 Comments on Free Fall Friday, last added: 8/27/2011

Well-published author and editor at Paulist Press, Susan O’Keefe has agreed to critique four first page submissions inspired by the picture prompt at the left by Adam Hunter-Peck. 

You have until Monday Aug. 22 to submit them to me.  Please send them to Kathy (dot) Temean (at) gmail (dot) com and make sure you put “FIRST PAGE PROMPT – DARK GLASS FOREST” in the subject line.  I will post the comments from Susan on September 2nd. 

Next Friday Betsy and I will post a new picture prompt.  Here is the link to Susan Website:  http://susanheyboerokeefe.com/

Just to add some additional meat to this post, I thought you might be interested in more publishing industry news.

Rachel Mannheimer has been promoted to associate editor at Bloomsbury USA.

Simon & Schuster Children’s has announced a number of new hires and promotions. Ariel Colletti has moved to the Atheneum imprint, where she will remain an assistant editor, and editorial assistant Dani Young will also oversee the coordinating of all three imprints’ paperback conversions, repackages, as well as managing the back ad library. In addition, Amy Rosenbaum has joined as an editorial assistant, having recently completed the Columbia Publishing Course.

At Ten Speed Press, Sara Golski has been promoted to editor and Emily Timberlake has been promoted to associate editor, both reporting to Julie Bennett.

Forbes has released their new list of guesses at how much the most successful authors made over the 12 months ending June 1:

James Patterson ($84 million)
Danielle Steel ($35 million)
Stephen King ($28 million)
Janet Evanovich ($22 million)
Stephenie Meyer ($21 million)
Rick Riordan ($21 million)
Dean Koontz ($19 million)
John Grisham ($18 million)
Jeff Kinney ($17 million)
Nicholas Sparks ($16 million)

Nice to see a few children’s authors on the list.

Talk tomorrow,

Kathy

1 Comments on Free Fall Friday +, last added: 8/19/2011