A Knight's Quest
1. In a vaguely Arthurian setting, Gawain, a newly-knighted lad of 17, sets forth on a knightly quest and does not encounter a sassy princess who must ally with her old enemies, the fae, in order to save her land from the evil Troll-people. He also doesn't need to capture a legendary weapon. Complete at 400 words.
2. When his parents threaten to throw him out, degenerate Kevin reluctantly takes a job at the local medieval fair as their newest knight. Standing in stinking armor all day is hardly "Sir" Kevin's idea of a good time, but after hearing a rumor that Allison, the fair's big-breasted princess wants to puff the magic dragon. Kevin finds himself in a desperate quest to find the sacred herbs.
3. To save his family from bankruptcy, Cedric must rescue the princess from an evil wizard and save the city from an attack by an army of immortal creatures. Hey, no one said being a fifteen-year-old was gonna be easy.
4. The dragon has captured a damsel, and it's up to Sir John to rescue her. Trouble is, his horse is afraid of dragons, his squire suffers from narcolepsy, and his shield had to be duct taped together after the last jousting match. Some days it just doesn't pay to get out of bed.
Original Version
Dear Evil Editor,
Sir Lancelot Academy, New Camelot, isn’t for faint hearts. It’s a place where aspiring knights are trained, and fifteen-year-old Cedric is one of them. After years of sparring and archery lessons, he has only one more test to pass to become a knight: the Quest. If he rescues Princess Rhiannon, kidnapped by the dark wizard Mordred, [Change his name to Krissbroun.] Cedric will become a knight and receive an award of three hundred thousand crowns– enough to save his family from bankruptcy. [How did his family manage to get 300,000 crowns in debt?] [Ironically, today one crown would be enough to get them out of bankruptcy, as long as it's an 1847 Queen Victoria "Gothic" crown in mint condition.]
Problem is Rhiannon might be a [beautiful (like diamonds in the sky)] damsel in distress, but she can deal with it. She escapes from Mordred’s dungeon and in the process saves Cedric’s life too. [I'd get rid of "Problem is."] Well, Cedric is annoyed. Knights are supposed to rescue damsels. Not the other way round. On top of that, Cedric and Rhiannon discovers Mordred’s plan to steal one of the most powerful magical artefact [artifacts] in Britannia: the Grail. Mordred needs it to build an army of dark, immortal creatures and attack the city. [It's always a good idea when building an army of creatures, to give them a three-week life span rather than immortality.]
When Cedric and Rhiannon warn the New Camelot knights, unfortunately they don’t take them seriously. The Grail is protected by state-of-the-art spells, [The term "state of the art" originated in the 20th century.] and stealing it is considered impossible. Not even Mordred can succeed. Determined to protect the city even without the knights’ help, Cedric has to work with Rhiannon to stop Mordred’s plan. [So you're saying Mordred can succeed? Does Cedric know how Mordred can overcome state-of-the-art spells? How does he plan to defeat a powerful wizard?] But if he can deal with a self-rescuer, warrior princess, fighting an evil dark wizard should be a piece of cake. [That's like saying, If he can deal with a perky kitten, a Tyrannosaurus should be a piece of cake.]
A KNIGHT’S QUEST is an upper middle grade fantasy novel, complete at 70,000 words.
Thanks for your time and consideration.
Notes
The query isn't bad, but I'm not sure I buy Cedric's ability to defeat Mordric when he couldn't even rescue Rhiannon.
According to a website I just consulted, titled "Becoming a Knight," the apprentice knight period (aka squire) was ages 14 to 21. Of course that was the real world rather than a fantasy world, but it still seems like 15 is rather young to be going into battle against adult men, much less wizards and dragons.
If I were the king of New Camelot and my daughter the princess had been abducted by an evil wizard, I wouldn't be sending a kid who wasn't yet a knight to rescue her.
Possibly instead of calling Mordred a dark wizard and his army dark creatures, you should go with evil wizard and savage creatures. I'm not sure what "dark" means when applied to a creature or a wizard. I do know it's good when applied to chocolate.
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