...there was a boy who had a story to tell.

So he documented the bits of his life as best as he could, and went about the business of living his life as best as he could. There were many hardships along the way but he persevered and went very far on his journey.

Then one day it all ended. His life came to an end just like that. And then everything changed. Everything flipped upside down and nothing made much sense anymore.

But the boy was smart. He didn't forget why he was here. He left behind breadcrumbs and puzzle pieces to help figure out the story; the story he couldn't tell anymore.

What he didn't know was there was only one person in the world who would be able to decipher all the clues---that person in the background, way below the radar. The one who was always there, for all the trials, all the tribulations and even some of the happy parts--ever since the day he was born. She always loved him no matter what. She didn't know why really; it was just that way. The same way things worked when she had begged her mother for a baby brother at the age of seven even when her mother told her she couldn't have any more babies. Some things are just meant to be; it's out of our hands---but everything is for a reason.

Sometimes it just takes a while to understand that reason.

He left behind his journals and sketchbooks, his blogs and photographs for her and even some of his most secretive thoughts, and also many people to meet to fill in the blanks---and he even left messages for her from the great beyond which was truly beautiful to behold. It's been quite a journey to discover his story---the story he left behind; but even better than that is the bigger story that took place in the finding. That's my story and it's funny, but somehow along the way our stories became intertwined--it's hard to figure out which part was his and which part was mine.

I guess that's the beauty of it. The journey truly was and still is the destination--and it's not even over yet.

But today we begin to tell what we know and how we got here,

here in this very moment, which is the here and the now.

And then suddenly, and with much clarity

everything starts to make sense.

It will take some time; but all we have is time.

Time enough

to begin.

And if we just show up,

ready to do the work

it will take care of itself, the way it always does when the time is right.

There's no holding back now, we're going all the way---

so...

"Fasten your seat belts,

it's going to be a bumpy (ride)."

So as I wait for my editor to give me notes for my book; I have been brainstorming other ideas so I don't sit here banging my head against the wall while I wait.

Here's the switch--I'm brainstorming in other genres. I am ready to grow up and try the adult market now too. I'm trying to focus on having more of a career and subsequently more paychecks so I can feel I am being more self-sufficient and also to take less pressure off the hubby (who works so hard to support us all). I have a lot of interests so I don't feel I can be a one-way gal anyway--plus it's too frustrating waiting for stuff to happen when all your eggs are in one basket--especially your easter eggs.

I also feel I'm going to go with the flow and deal with what life has handed me. I'm a firm believer in EVERYTHING FOR A REASON; so this must be the reason. To share what I have learned.

So, I'm writing, here, there and everywhere---

I hope to show up not only on the kiddie lit bookshelf but also on the inspirational/self help/spiritual bookshelf, the how-to crafty corner and finally the autobiographical novel/memoir book circuit. 

If that sounds like a lot, I say bring it on! I'm ready to push myself. It's time to expand my audience.

Time to push all the boundaries.

I feel like I am ready to "come out". 

For the last few years I have been living in a wierd world, and feeling like a big part of my life I have been keeping under wraps; trying to conform and be "normal", just to fit in. My experiences of the last few years have not been normal in any way, shape or form. And that was sometimes crippling to me--this trial by fire; I feel now that I have come through the whirlwind, weathered the storm and am finally back on dry land. I've been on a journey, which included many, many trials and now the hero has returned with the holy grail, having survived his experience ready to share his experience, this knowledge---with the community. This is the basic formula for all stories and myths--and now I feel this is my story.

And yes, I get to play the hero. I've been waiting my whole life to be the hero. 

✺✥❁✵❃☯☼✮✭♪♬❉❅♬♥✳✵♥✲❀✺✾❊❈♫♥✤✸❁✼♪♡♥✳✵✺✼✺✥❁✵❃☯☼✮✭♪♬❉❅♬

I'm ready to embrace my true self; my spiritual self, the truest part of my being.

I'm taking my panda books that I care about so much and taking a different route with them. Putting them in the hands of someone who speaks my language. It feels so good when someone speaks your language, there's no more pussy-footing around, no more trying to fit in the mold.

To hell with the mold.

Artists were put on this earth to be truth tellers. I must speak my truth. Whether anybody cares to listen that's their business. But I'm coming out.

Just watch me fly.

High.

Like a kite without a string.

✺✥❁✵❃☯☼✮✭♪♬❉❅♬♥✳✵♥✲❀✺✾❊❈♫♥✤✸❁✼♪♡♥✳✵✺✼✺✥❁✵❃☯☼✮✭♪♬❉❅♬

I've been away fom the blog for a while persuing other avenues, balancing other bits and pieces in my life, things that were out of balance. Doing a lot of introspective work, seeing where I have been stuck--discovering where there still is the unfinished business of my life, where I still need to heal---and mending it so I can move forward. Sometimes the whole process is quite a struggle but then clarity comes finally --usually when things look bleakest and suddenly missing pieces start showing up to find their rightful places. Then Wow.

It's been frustrating for me waiting for things to get moving; like my new book that I want to be working on already---but then I realize all the waiting has been for a reason -- to take me into the next chapter a more fully rounded, centered and grounded being.

I've come to look at all my tragedies and losses over the past few years as gifts. Not easy to say at first, not been easy to say for years--but now I can see where dealing with it all has finally brought me. I wouldn't be here, knowing what I know, without having gone thru what I have gone thru. And as tragic and unyielding as it has been to get here, that means that it is going to be just as eye-popping and jaw-dropping when I get to the new place.

I'm opening myself up to the world--ready to embrace what it has to show me and trusting in it's unveiling. I am no longer afraid, wounded, or feeling victimized.

yeah baby. Life feels good.

Crystal made this JOhnny Butterfly for me. It cracks me up to look at it.

I think he's so going to kill me when we meet up again. But we share a great sense of humor, and I feel that often these days.

Kristen Rask over at PLUSH YOU interviewed me recently; and while I wish we could have met for a latte and a nice crumpet, I answered her questions as best I could the new-fashioned way~via the internet.

You can check it out here.

Meanwhile, I've been in my left brain for weeks, doing dull but necessary nitty gritty stuff.

I hope to be back in the right brain very soon with fun stuff to share!

 Every seven years, our entire body changes because every seven years, every cell in the human body is replaced. So I guess that would mean it's a whole new me.

It's been seven years since I sold a children's book manuscript and now here we go again. I got my amended contract back and I'm signing on the dotted line. I can't help think about the significance of that being that I am about to go into my next seven year cycle from age 49-56.

The last seven year cycle has been a doosey. I can't help but be glad it's over. Some of the most trying years of my life. I definately feel that things are starting to shift for the better. A few years ago, I never thought I'd be at this place again. I almost can't believe that I am. So, for me this is a pretty big deal.

It's so nice to come out of the rain.

With my feet firmly on the ground.

I'm so glad I got the itch again.

So now there's only one thing left to do...

'cause....

"Some things never change...

... some do."

Spring is here! A time for things to come into bloom--including myself I hope---and a time for renewal;

a time for things to get going already!

Well for starters, I got my new converse all stars with a yellow bee theme. That'll put a spring in my step I should think.

I heard back from one publisher already from an email inquery--they are fully booked--not interested in looking at writing or artworks of any kind----try us at the end of the year.

I queried another----this one is a really good fit in my opinion. I hope they give me a chance.

Other than that, it's been slow going.

Meanwhile, the little imp has been taking up a lot of my time. 7 going on 8 is a handful, let me tell you. I see huge changes---testing boundaries all over the place, trying to be independent, which means being more defiant. I know it's all part of the process but I'm a bit sad to see the innocence start to disappear. Not completely, of course...but bit by bit as the outside world starts to make a lasting impression.

Next week school starts again and I'm looking forward to crossing some things off my to-do list. We were supposed to all be in an RV this week traveling around CA on a grand vacation, but we had to postpone to the summer for a variety of reasons.

I guess everything happens for a reason.

But I'm feeling very impatient waiting for things to happen that are supposed to be in the works. I feel a bit in limbo right now.

It's been hard shifting my gears---maybe this girl needs an oil change.

This weekend I went out and bought this book:

It's been five years since I got one and the last time I was actually in it ( an article you can find on my website on follow-up books in the "press" section)--which was nice as I didn't have to pay for it.

;-)

But I had a 40% off coupon with me so it wasn't too bad. It was amazing to read how many publishers are not open to accepting unsolicited manuscripts now. A lot of doors have closed since I was knocking on them years ago but there is still a good portion of publishers who are not opposed to reading new works from unagented authors. Also, my being published already has advantages because some will let you submit if you are published. Good. I don't need an agent yet. I tried to go that way a few months ago but it's not the best time for that sort of thing--not many are looking to add to their stables. Not a lot of books are being made in this economy right now and most publishers have cut their lists shorter because of it. Most agents don't want picturebook writers anyway--they want novelists for the young adult market because thats where the money is with film deals, etc. And I don't really want an art rep right now because I'm spoiled and I don't want to work on anything but my own stuff. And truth be told, I feel like I don't even have time to work on anything else but my stuff at the moment. But that could all change--and things usually do--from what I've experienced lately.

Anyway, I got super-excited looking thru the listings because I think I actually found a few publishers I'd like to submit my panda books too. A couple look like they might be a very nice fit. So, I'm feeling more confident that I will find the right place for them and they might actually come into being one day in the printed word. That said, I'm anxious to get the color sample going and finished so I can hurry up and send them off. This will be a long process as most publishers take a few months to respond--and apparently these days you may not even get a response--the days of them returning your submissions back with your SASE are for the most part over. That means no stack of rejection letters to collect either. Too bad, I have an impressive stack.

At any rate, since I believe very strongly in the power of intention, I've taken to wearing my ring again.

I'm going to find a home for this bear~~and with a little luck I'll do it by the time I finish up the Easter book in a year's time. 

Sometimes someone comes along out of the blue and makes an extraordinary act of kindness. When that happens it restores your sense of humanity, and a belief that there must be more good out there than bad.

The other day I got a package in the mail from an etsy seller I frequent from time to time for vintage plunder.

She sent me a treasure box...

...filled with miniature goodies for my little creations and...

...a big bundle of witch's brooms--(or snowman's brooms)--depending on the season---which were too big to fit in the box.

There's some cute little baby items...

...and a couple of little lanterns for woodland elves who might be out in the forest on cool wintery evenings...

and a bunch of little plastic hats! I'm always intrigued by little plastic hats--especially in colors besides black.

Wasn't that sweet of Miss Sherri?

also known as Betty and Dot on etsy!

What a warm and kind heart she has! 

I've enjoyed looking at photos of her sweet Miss Tallulah Mae on her blog all morning.

AS I can relate being that I have a sweet little pup of my own, Miss Ruby Roo.

She's Thirteen and still as beautiful as ever. People still comment when we walk on by--

she's a head turner, my gal.

If cleanliness is next to Godliness; then I must be ready to create because I've been cleaning and organizing for days. I don't like cleaning---but I like the feeling after the fact when you've got a clear space to start anew, full of unlimited potential.

I stripped my bulletin board over my illustration work desk down to one new picture:

What inspirations over the next few months will be pinned to the wall?

Right to the right of me, I've got Cathy's wonderful quilt with a pocket for my fortunes and wishes ~

next to a Celluloid Nursery Pin-Up by Mary Blair. 

(Btw, my fortune last week from the chinese take out read:

"you will be unusually successful in business." )

---But I digress...

back to my walls:

The kiddo's discarded Melissa and Doug toy storage boxes make good knick-knack storage shelves. Maybe someday I'll glue some pretty paper in there for a background. 

I've taken to just pinning cool stuff on the wall---why not?

Say hello to my teddy friends...

who have been waiting a long time for some new blood to show up.

But first I had to dig through the mess I showed you a few posts ago,

"it'll do magic, believe it or not;

BIPPIDY BOPPIDY BOO!"

My first trick is to make this pig change into a rabbit.

Here are some bunnies I made for greeting cards when I was just starting out:

Back when I was a purist with cut-paper--only wanting to use paper and nothing else--no mixed media.

Well, that was a zillion years ago. It's been about seven years since my last book and I'm happy to say my perspective has changed. I hope I've matured in the last seven years, certainly I feel I have on the inside. I'd like to throw everything but the kitchen sink into this next book if I'm able.

I've learned a lot of things, about life, about technique, about letting loose and following your vision. I also learned I like a lot of stuff from yesteryear...

...which I'm sure will creep it's way into this book if I let it. So while the lawyers hammer out the final details of the contract; I'm going to reinvent this character "Maurice" the bunny--if that's even his real name.